life, thoughts

a week of disconnecting and connecting

Before I took a weeklong cruise to Alaska, I had decided to “unplug” for the duration of the trip. For me, this meant no Facebook, no Twitter, no checking email, no reading blogs, or accessing the internet. (I did allow myself to Instagram — but in hindsight, I think I’ll forego that in future unpluggings.) A small challenge for a girl who normally checks these things at least 50 times a day.

I deleted all pathways I could to any sort of connectivity and put my phone in airplane mode (but ha! I certainly checked for signal every now and then!) Once on the trip and on the boat, it became easy to resist the temptation to connect: cell phone signal was hard to come by out at sea and the price for access to wireless internet was more than I felt was reasonable.

For the first day or two of the trip, I found that being without internet and social media was like an itch I couldn’t scratch. I felt a subconscious pull to periodically check in to see if there was an interesting status update, an article I “needed” to read, or if I had an unexpected (or even expected) email from a friend. If I had to stop and wait for something (wait for the bus, wait in line for the bathroom, wait for the elevator), I wanted to pull out my phone and distract myself by checking any of my old favorites. But since I deleted everything and wasn’t connected, I didn’t have that option. What to do now?

I had to learn (or relearn) to sit and wait. To be present to what is happening now, instead of tuning out reality. I was really surprised at how much I had trained myself into distraction. How much every moment of my life became either doing or distracting, not just being. Disconnecting forced a pause. And by the third and fourth day, it felt good to pause. Itch withdrawal began to subside. Breathe in, breathe out. I noticed more. I noticed the breeze coming in the port while waiting for our ferry to depart. I noticed the tall pattern our shadows made from the crowd of us waiting to leave for our excursion. I noticed the sweet and patient conversation of a mother explaining to her young child what a glacier is. I noticed the quiet rise and fall of my own breath. I really loved noticing.

I also engaged people more. Smiling at the baby in the seat in front of me. Asking the strangers near me what excursions they had done (or were about to do) that day. Admiring someone’s jacket or haircut. Sharing a joke or a laugh with a fellow line-waiter. I got a chance to exercise my conversation skills and practice listening and relating to others. I felt far more connected to the world.

The absence of the itch helped me feel more peaceful, more present, more focused, and ha! more connected. There was nothing to miss online (FOMO!), I was actually missing everything right in front of me. What else had I missed in my quest for constant so-called connectivity? What was more important, paying attention and connecting in my real life or paying attention and “connecting” to some virtual feed of things?

Returning from the trip I felt a bit anxious about how to bring this new habit of noticing and connecting with me. And to be honest, my ability to curb the itch has waned in the weeks since I’ve been back; it’s far too easy for me to get caught up in digital distraction. But what I learned during my brief period of unplugging has stuck with me. I’ve started to carve out periods of unplugged time throughout my week. When in meetings that don’t require internet access, I’ll put away my devices and commit to being fully present to the person (or people) in front of me. I’m working on focusing more in both work and life. And I think I’ll unplug for longer next time, because I think a week is just the beginning for unweaving the mental threads that bind me in digital connectivity.

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  • Reply Carissa L. September 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Great thoughts about the benefits and setbacks that come with being “connected” to devices. While sometimes I feel the limitations of not having a smartphone, I think this is one reason that I stay away from having one — because I worry about why I feel I need it. There is a time to be connected, and a time not to. And finding the right balance makes all the difference!

  • Reply Jeff September 17, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    I did a 2 week road trip this summer through Oregon and California. Much of the route had no service which really helped to enforce my plan to stay away from the social networking/news/email and be in the moment. It felt wonderful being disconnected for such a long time! But as you pointed out, idle moments had me checking in. Like sitting in the parking lot of a supermarket in a town that had a signal. The urge to peek was just too overwhelming. And it’s not like you can just sit there and do nothing, right? Trying to remember what I did in these situations before I got my phone…

  • Reply Elizabeth September 17, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    I love this. I often fantasize about living a less connected life. Sometimes I’ll put my phone away when I’m walking or on the bus, but I’m not good at refraining. I’ve actually decided to get rid of my data plan to just eliminate that option. Text and phone only. Thanks for sharing your experiment. It makes me more excited to disconnect from the constant buzz of the digital world!

  • Reply lydia September 18, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Carissa: Yes, I think a smartphone changes one’s relationship to be “connected” (or feeling the urge) all the time. It’s all too easy with those devices. If I didn’t have one, I know I’d feel far less tempted to check the various forms of communication and social media and the like.

    Jeff: What DID we do in those waiting situations before? I certainly don’t remember having to work through such mental chatter to just be if I don’t have something to distract me.

    Eliz: I, too, fantasize about a less connected life. It sounds all at once exhilarating and terrifying at this point, which seems to me like a good sign that I should do it. Ha.

  • Reply Melissa September 20, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    On my recent road trip to Montana there were quite a few spots with no reception and I had a similar reaction. It was wonderful to be forced not to mess with my phone, but I also kept feeling the itch to try and check it. It’s made me want to go longer without getting online now that we’re home.

  • Reply lydia September 22, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Melissa: I’d be curious to know how re-entry has gone for you! And I’d love to hear about Montana!

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