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changing my relationship with food

Today is my last day of the Whole30 challenge and I have to say, it’s been an eye-opening experience. When I started, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but what I’ve discovered has been really valuable.

See, I love to eat. I love the experience of cooking food and eating it, I love trying new foods and mixing new flavors, and I love sharing food with friends. I love food as nourishment, food as pleasure and indulgence, and food as celebration. And while I love all of these things about food, I recently started wondering if I need to take a look at my love affair with food a little more closely.

A little more than a month ago, I was noticing that my relationship to food wasn’t where I wanted it to be. I had made a habit of mindlessly eating dinner while watching old episodes of 30 Rock. My brain usually insisted on an afternoon pick-me-up in the form of a grande chai, oatmeal cookie, or other similar sweet treat. When my workmates brought in treats to work, I wouldn’t eat just one. I’d eat one, then another, then another, then… how many did I just eat? Ugh. I knew it possibly went deeper than this (that maybe my diet was also the reason I was so tired all the time), so I wanted bring attention and awareness to my eating habits and see what came up.

Around the same time, I read one of Maija’s blog posts that mentioned something about the Whole30 challenge and its positive effects. So I did a little research. The Whole30 requires you to eliminate sugar (including honey and agave), dairy, grains, legumes, and alcohol in order to help reset the way your body processes food (namely, sugar and fat)  and give it a rest from many foods known to cause inflammation. Essentially, you eat whole foods like vegetables and fruit, along with pasture-raised meats and eggs. I felt like I had been eating those things pretty much anyway, with a bit more emphasis on dairy and legumes. So I thought the Whole30 might be a good challenge and require me to think more about my food choices than I had before. Plus, it scared me to give up dairy (I love cheese) and all sugars (did I mention my sweets habit?), so I took that as a sign that I should definitely go for it.

And go for it, I did. I began the challenge on September 1, not knowing what to expect, but hoping for the best. The first few days were… interesting. Well, the first day, I felt great! I was eating lots of whole foods and good meat from the farmer’s market. I felt clean and healthy and efficient. But then the next few days came. A dull ache took root in my forehead and I wanted to just kind of lay around, take a nap, and do things slowly. (So I guess maybe I hadn’t been eating as well as I thought!) I spent the first week trying to navigate recipes and making good food choices in a number of different situations (it was a real test to have two work functions that first week that featured foods like pizza, mac and cheese, and plenty of cookies, ah!). I felt hyper-vigilant about everything I was eating and every ingredient that went into something I was considering purchasing at the store or ordering off the menu.

Things I did get to eat: Spanish Sweet Potato with Chorizo, Peppers, and Fried Egg

Oh. And my brain wanted sugar basically all the time. Every night I dreamt of eating cookies, fancy lattes from Starbucks (which isn’t usually my style), cake, pie — I’d wake up in a panic, thinking I’d ruined my Whole30, only to be immediately relieved that it was just a dream. Apparently this happens a lot to folks in their first week of the Whole30. I also had to wrestle with my afternoon ritual of a sweet treat. How do I reward myself now that sugar is off the table? (And dang, I realized just how much/often I was using sugar as a reward.) Instead, I walked. I walked around the neighborhood and had an inner dialogue argument with myself about why I was not partaking in sugar. My mind usually had a mini temper tantrum and tried to persuade me otherwise. I reminded myself it was just 30 days, and in the span of a lifetime, 30 days is not a very long time to give up sugar. Somehow, I won the mental battle.

It wasn’t always perfect. I’ve definitely had days where I’ve used fruit to temper the sugar demon, so I’m still examining my drive to eat sweets. I’m thinking it might be best to continue to keep sugar out of my diet perhaps for another few weeks. Or create a “sugar is acceptable in these scenarios” flow chart of sorts. I know I need a better decision guide than just my brain and my taste buds (and my emotions, which play their part).

Sugar proved to be the biggest issue/hurdle for me, but I’ve gained a few other great insights and effects from the Whole30.

  • Better sleep. I used to wake up every night between 1-3am and, depending on my level of stress, would either go back to sleep fairly quickly or stay up for the next hour or so, my mind running a hundred miles. In this past month, I’ve slept like a baby. Out like a light and have had pretty vivid dreams to boot.
  • Sustained energy throughout the day. Instead of a daily 2pm slump in which all I want to do is shove work aside and take a nap, my energy level remains steady, which means I’ve been able to focus better on projects. I’ve also felt more emotionally level and less prone to mood swings.
  • Greater eating awareness. I’ve learned to ask myself, why do I want to eat this? Am I really hungry? If not, what is really going on? Which has been really helpful to begin to uncover what’s at the core of a craving and figure out how to address it. The awareness while eating has also helped me feel more grateful for the nourishment I’m able to give myself.
  • Clothes fit better. While I didn’t track weight or any measurements (it wasn’t a priority this time), I have noticed that my pants fit a little better than they have in the past. Kind of a nice bonus.
  • Food is less of a focus. At social events, my mind usually wants to say, “Hey let’s see what tasty things are at the buffet!” which then leads me to grazing at the food table for the rest of the night. At the social events I went to in the last 30 days, I knew most, if not all, the food would be off limits, so I found myself focusing on the people and event more. I gave my full attention to my conversations with people instead of having a mental running commentary of “When can we get back to the FOOD?” in the background. (Something that is hard to admit.)

Overall, participating in the Whole30 was a really helpful experiment for me and now I’m looking forward to reintroducing foods to see how they make me feel. I suspect that sugar is what makes my energy level dip in the afternoon, but I’m interested to see if anything else has an effect. I’m not really interested in completely going back to the diet I had before, especially knowing that I can maintain steady energy throughout the day. I’m not ready to let that energy go.

I’m really grateful I stumbled on the Whole30. I think it’s definitely worth trying if you’re interested in seeing how a diet change could affect the way you feel overall. I found it was really helpful to read It Starts with Food (the Whole30 book). I also supplemented this challenge by reading Eating Mindfully and incorporating many of the mindful meditations into my eating routine.

I’d be curious to know if you’ve had any interesting revelations in your own relationship with food: how you came to them, how they might have changed your habits. It’s so interesting to me that food can be much more than food and have effects we may not even realize.

California, food, Napa Valley, thoughts

waking up al fresco

While in Napa Valley, I stayed at a really cute hotel, the Sonoma Creek Inn. One of the things I really liked about this place (aside from the quaint decor and lovely bathroom) was that each of the rooms comes with its own patio. So, at the end of the day I could relax with a glass of wine on said patio and enjoy the mild weather (in February! amazing!). And also: cook dinner. I had my camp stove with me in instances where I wasn’t staying in a place with a stove (i.e. with friends or family), but it requires that you cook with it outside — you know, noxious fumes and such. Here I was able to enjoy a space of my own AND cook dinner for myself. It felt luxurious:


One night I made tacos, another, pasta. This particular night, I made asparagus with some local Sonoma sausage (and a glass of red wine, of course). It was really delicious.


It became perhaps the first time on the trip (and in my life) when I realized I truly am quite content being alone with myself. Don’t get me wrong, I very much enjoy being in the company of friends and loved ones, for sure. I know I am a naturally social person and enjoy companionship. And I always knew I could be alone and enjoy myself. But while in Sonoma I found the place deep within myself where I felt a solid and peaceful appreciation of solitude. As though I really understood it for the first time. It felt like an awakening.

California, food, Isabel, Napa Valley

happy birthday to me!

After San Francisco, I drove up to Napa Valley the day before my 30th birthday. On the big day, I went to my first wine tasting ever in the Valley at Domaine Chandon. They have a delicious Chardonnay.

domaine chandon

Isabel was nonplussed about my birthday.

isabel, nonplussed

My friend Laura’s husband’s parents were gracious enough to invite me over for birthday dinner. Before then, I stopped at a local Italian bakery to get a birthday cake. I picked out this tasty limoncello cake which the owner gave to me for FREE! Free cake on my birthday! You really can’t get any better than that.

birthday cake!

We ate a wonderful meal, played cards and had a really nice time. Then I went home and crafted some birthday thoughts here.

California, food, San Francisco

pillows on St. Valentine’s Day

While I normally think Valentine’s Day is a bogus holiday created by the card and flower companies (and that’s regardless of whether I am single or not), this Valentine’s Day was most excellent. It started off with brunch at Ti Couz (as recommended by @warneronstine), where we had tasty espresso and cafe au lait:

small and big

And ate the most delicious crepes I have ever had EVAR:

crepes at ti couz

We rounded out the day with a San Francisco Valentine’s tradition: serious pillow fighting at the Embarcadero:

pillow fight on Valentine's Day

Very serious. Very fun. I threw myself into the crowd and pillow fought for about eight seconds before I got claustrophobic in the midst of myriad pillow pummelings.

feathers in the air!

Pillow feathers everywhere.

California, food, Isabel, San Francisco

the San Francisco treat

We arrived in San Francisco right before Valentine’s Day (and right before my birthday!). I love the feeling of San Francisco. It’s a big enough city that it has very good public transit yet driving is not out of the question. But then, you don’t exactly need to drive when each neighborhood (and neighborhoods within in each neighborhood) has walkable resources (grocery, restaurants, bars, shopping, etc.). It was so delightful! So many interesting places in such a small area. Big city with a very laid back feel, my kind of place.

San Francisco was the first place I had my first ever In-N-Out burger experience.

my first in-n-out experience

Which I shared with my friend and In-N-Out aficionado, Ray.

Isabel and I stayed with my friend Lucy, who is fortunate to live a mere two blocks from Golden Gate Park! There are all manner of good times to be had there, and we certainly did not even scratch the surface. More like just buffed a corner of it.

sailboat in golden gate park

Isabel rode the train with me down to the Embarcadero. I neglected to get a picture of her as a passenger, as I was so anxious with her on board and focused on making sure she didn’t bother anyone. She didn’t even care about other people, just watched out the window and got antsy whenever we went through tunnels underground because she couldn’t see anything. Instead, we posed near the Bay Bridge:

lydia isabel

Notice that Isabel cares more about staring at the seagull down the way than posing for a picture.